Definitely Not Me

Like many boys, I thought about joining the circus. I was never afraid of heights and the trapeze looked like fun. I was pretty sure of my footing. When I was young and engaged, Barbara thought I was crazy for fearlessly walking across logs or close to edges.

I’m still good at balance when it comes to balancing things on my head, but I seem to have lost all sense of balance in my legs. I’ve been become a class-A klutz.

Last week, I was at a miniature golf course. This course has several water traps, cement ponds that are fed by cement streams. The water was turned off in the one stream and there was a layer of slimy mud at the bottom. Someone in my group knocked their ball into the water trap and I went down to get it.

When my left foot hit the slime, it went flying in the air. I went flying too, bending my right knee back under my derriere, and landing hard on my back in the slime. Somehow in the maneuver, I skinned my shin.

This was only one of many recent tricks gone bad. In the past few years, I’ve done myself a lot of damage with unplanned acrobatics. I know that some of our physical prowess diminishes with age, but I just don’t want to admit that I may need to tone it down a bit.

I do keep telling myself that I’m not as agile as I once was, but I always seem to forget it in the moment where some cat-like antics are required. I called out, “I’ll get it!” just before I went flying.

It wasn’t just that I was stupid enough to volunteer. I also took the more hazardous route, not thinking that I had anything to worry about. I probably could have walked around to the other side of the pond where there was a net for fishing out golf balls.

In a way, I was protecting my client, who was also going to step right where I did to get the ball out. I suppose I took the fall for him.

It’s not just this kind of fall. A few years ago, I drove over a very round long while on an ATV and ended up flying over the handlebars. Skinned my leg that time too. I really peeled off the skin in my lower shin when I misstepped at another miniature golf course while horsing around with a friend.

Well, it won’t do my self-esteem any good to give a more complete inventory than that. It’s quite a long list. Let’s just say that I need to figure out how to take it easy, act my age, as it were.

Therein lies my dilemma. Just what is “acting my age?” I’m not even 60 yet.

UPDATE: 10/21/2021

I’m recovering now from yet another spectacular fall. I crack me up…and it hurts.

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