Now, I’m never going to be a fan of tattoos and piercings. Why a person would want to do stuff like that to perfectly beautiful flesh is beyond me.

Ever since I adopted this plan, I haven’t nicked myself once. Those pencils are going to last forever!

This was only one of many recent tricks gone bad. In the past few years, I’ve done myself a lot of damage with unplanned acrobatics. I know that some of our physical prowess diminishes with age, but I just don’t want to admit that I may need to tone it down a bit.

When I was young, I was quite agile and confident in situations where the possibility of falling existed. I could cross logs with ease, walk up rocky trails, stand on the end of cliffs, and walk without fear.

Truly, the Portland area has been a cold, wet place for the last year. I remember on many mornings, standing outside my club while waiting, sarcastically chiming in when people groused about the cold morning, “Global warming!”

So often, I sit down in a restaurant and see the little “spicy” icon on the menu. I eagerly order the item thinking, “This is gonna be good!” I dive in with my fork and wonder where the spiciness is. It is very disappointing. That’s because most people’s idea of “hot” is my idea of mild.

We missed the Columbia River Gorge, the trails, the ocean beaches, and the greenness everywhere you looked all year long. To be honest, some months aren’t as green as others, but there’s always green. Columbus has lots and lots of dull grey and brown.

I worked in a half-height cubicle. Next to me was another contractor from another company. He called my name, intending to ask me a question. As soon as I stood up, he busted out in a raucous and long laugh. It took him a few minutes to settle down.

He said, with other people gathered around, “When you stood up, you looked just like some giant mutant prairie dog from hell coming out of its hole.”

Another weather front was coming in and my flight was cancelled. I asked for a room in a hotel until morning when they said I could flight out. They said they didn’t provide hotel rooms for acts of God. I said something like, “Well, if God were here, would you give him a hotel room?”

Just when I thought I would be relegated to quality assurance hell, I saw an ad in the paper that looked just like something I wanted to do. They wanted someone with experience doing database administration (DBA). I really like indices and queries. They are beautiful things. Be the first to like. Like Unlike